My family (venting my frustrations)

[BlueHUMMERH2]

This bothers me. I don't really have anywhere to vent, so I'm putting it here.

My dad is sending my sister off to Florida for a $40,000 treatment for her anorexia. He's placing the blame squarely on my mom. They are divorced. For some reason, I really can't see why my mom is the problem. She never really bothered either of us about our weight (which I'm 210 right now or something) growing up, but it was my father and the rest of the family who always said we were fat, and need to count calories. He even had a nanny who he brought from Philly who lived in our house and had a chart on the wall that described the foods we could eat and their nutritional contents. My dad said she only lived there a week, but the fact that I specifically remember that chart probably indicates that it was a traumatizing time. My older half sister was also notoriously picking, and to this day they make horribly untasty meals at the holidays which contain no nutrition whatsoever.

I guess I'm upset because my mom is fretting this whole issue and blaming herself for it when I'm not sure it's really her fault. And the fact that my dad's telling me that my "party year" off from school was all her doing and my failed marriage, which it wasn't a party year or her fault and lots of people around here get married young. (The college story is he coerced me to enter a snobby college near home, and I hated it, ran away to NY and became a ski instructor, and had the best time of my life. I learned more about people, backstabbing, and work than I could possibly imagine. And I worked my ass off, got my accredidation, and made my first big accomplishment. Now I'm back at school, and determined to finish.... Somewhere he's missing the positives I think. :rolleyes:) I guess the whole "failed marriage" thing gets on my nerves too.

So then he continues on like normal and tells me he wants me to work for him and manage his new business venture which is a drive-thru restaurant business.... This behavior confounds me, though it is typical. I really honestly still don't know what I want to do (though I know I love teaching skiing, too bad it's not very profitable) and I've considered everything from:

1. Joining the National Guard to
2. Becoming a truck driver to
3. Going to school to be a mechanic to try to work for AM General or HUMMER to
4. Becoming a salesman

I am not sure I want to work for the family. I like/dislike the idea of being handed something (liking it for it's "easy", disliking it because it wasn't earned) but it would present a 6 figure income, and I could always use that to build a nice garage and restore H1's and HMMWV's (which is something I really want to do) or maybe buy a stake in a dealership some day.

Anyway, there's way too much drama with my sister right now, and my dad won't even make time to visit this school with me (even though it's his alam mater). I feel bad for my mom, and I'm caught in the middle, being asked to get things for my sister at my mom's house and my mom asking me what's going on and what she did wrong...

I know these problems probably sound insignificant and I shouldn't be bitching. But I had to rant anyway. Thanks for listening.

[NewHummerGuy]

Tell dad fair is fair and to give you 40G's:jump:

Honestly, dont over analyze shlt. It will drive you nuts. Take the hummer, pack it with broads and beer and head off skiing this weekend. Then ask pops for your 40G's when you get back;)

[Boar-Ral]

I wish that I had something to suggest that did not have a positive and a negative. Family issues can be very difficult to deal with personally and even more difficult to deal with as a third party, because you can never know how others might react.

I would personally work with him, if you think that you can deal with him and that he won't leave you out to dry within a few months. Keep the final goal in sight. That is what others have told me here. And if your final goal is to work on these things full time and to fund it, money is going to make that possible.

I would not worry about being "given" something like this. Regardless of what you might think your father thinks of you, the reason he is asking you to work with him instead of someone else is because he sees something in you, and that is earning something, in my books. In my experience, even with family, respect was never something I just got because I was their son. It is something that I needed to earn. Tough, but the real world is like that too. And I say this even in spite of the current hand I've been dealt, leaving me about as low on the totem in my parents' eyes as is possible.

I guess I have given a little bit of advice, but make sure you look at it just like that: as advice. I wouldn't leap just because me or someone else thinks you should. But don't toss it out, either. In the end, the decision is yours alone.

Let us know how things go. And if you're making millions someday, send an H1 my way, okay? It can be a beater, I'm fine with that. :)

[usetosellhummer]

can I be blunt?

[SnakeH2]

can I be blunt?

Can I answer that?

[K9sH3]

Family issues suck... PERIOD!

I have been and always want to be the Black sheep.. It is just me and how I am. I could have stayed in VA with family and made so much more money than I could have anywhere else. F that, I am very successfull and proud that I did it on my own. :fdance:
And now my family is dealing with inherentence and who gets what and so on etc. I am sure somehow I will get a lil screwed, becuase of me not always being there.
But for you, You sound like your heading in the right direction. You teach people and that alone is a gift, doesn't matter what you teach. You have got your accredidation on your own, that is awesume. You have to do what you want in life and not try and please your folks or your friends. You obiviosly have talent in sking, so stick with it. Life isn't about money, its about how you live life. You may not end up a wealthy man or maybe you will. But how will you get there? Being forced by your family? or on your own?
And all this stuff about the $ 40k, Be glad that someone is still there to help her out. Don't listen to the blame game. Its your parents money and not yours, so you will have to sit back and watch and wait.

You on your own will be just fine, "Dude" don't stress the lil shiate.

:beerchug:


Oh yeah, one more thing. You getting married young was a good thing, the fact it didn't last is not a bad thing, shiate happens! It will turn out to be a great lesson as you get older. "This I know" been there done that = Applies.

[bparker]

LOL @ this whole thread...

Be glad you have such issues to be worried about. If you think this is bad you should count your blessings as it could be much worse.

If you were "tramatized" just by seeing a chart on the wall, you would have never survived in most "poor" famlies where as they ate only when they could no matter what it was. They were all happy to have it.

[ROX]

REALITY CHECK!

If he's such a jackass then why are you even considering working for him? So you can have more time together?

bparker is right, there are worse problems in the world.

GET OFF THE CROSS! WE NEED THE WOOD:violin: :fdance: :jump:

[BlueHUMMERH2]

Thanks for the input. I just like to know what other people think and how they view things. I think that can help you get a look at your situation that you normally wouldn't be able to from a first person point of view. I guess that's part of being a scientist, having others review something to which you yourself have an obvious bias.

I really don't care about the 40 G's. I just feel like something is strange there. Like that maybe there's a better way to deal with the situation than throw lots of money at it.

I hate family issues. I am thankful though that I always have had food and health!

The issue of taking the business on will be a tough one.

[DR EVIL]

Here's a suggestion.

[usetosellhummer]

Your being a bit of a pussy boy here, grow up and do hat you want to do. I have a feeling you have not wanted for much in your life and recived help. Don't fault the old man for wanting you around. Mine is dead and left me nothing and my ma even less. If your worried about doing it your self then cut th strings that the family has had allthese years to help you out and go be the big man. I personally would take the job and grow it and then buy the old man out. Man up son it's a rogh ride when it's just you with noone to bail you out

[DennisAJC]

Here's a suggestion.

:jump:

[Mr. I - Man]

This bothers me. I don't really have anywhere to vent, so I'm putting it here.

My dad is sending my sister off to Florida for a $40,000 treatment for her anorexia. He's placing the blame squarely on my mom. They are divorced. For some reason, I really can't see why my mom is the problem. She never really bothered either of us about our weight (which I'm 210 right now or something) growing up, but it was my father and the rest of the family who always said we were fat, and need to count calories. He even had a nanny who he brought from Philly who lived in our house and had a chart on the wall that described the foods we could eat and their nutritional contents. My dad said she only lived there a week, but the fact that I specifically remember that chart probably indicates that it was a traumatizing time. My older half sister was also notoriously picking, and to this day they make horribly untasty meals at the holidays which contain no nutrition whatsoever.

I guess I'm upset because my mom is fretting this whole issue and blaming herself for it when I'm not sure it's really her fault. And the fact that my dad's telling me that my "party year" off from school was all her doing and my failed marriage, which it wasn't a party year or her fault and lots of people around here get married young. (The college story is he coerced me to enter a snobby college near home, and I hated it, ran away to NY and became a ski instructor, and had the best time of my life. I learned more about people, backstabbing, and work than I could possibly imagine. And I worked my ass off, got my accredidation, and made my first big accomplishment. Now I'm back at school, and determined to finish.... Somewhere he's missing the positives I think. :rolleyes:) I guess the whole "failed marriage" thing gets on my nerves too.

So then he continues on like normal and tells me he wants me to work for him and manage his new business venture which is a drive-thru restaurant business.... This behavior confounds me, though it is typical. I really honestly still don't know what I want to do (though I know I love teaching skiing, too bad it's not very profitable) and I've considered everything from:

1. Joining the National Guard to
2. Becoming a truck driver to
3. Going to school to be a mechanic to try to work for AM General or HUMMER to
4. Becoming a salesman

I am not sure I want to work for the family. I like/dislike the idea of being handed something (liking it for it's "easy", disliking it because it wasn't earned) but it would present a 6 figure income, and I could always use that to build a nice garage and restore H1's and HMMWV's (which is something I really want to do) or maybe buy a stake in a dealership some day.

Anyway, there's way too much drama with my sister right now, and my dad won't even make time to visit this school with me (even though it's his alam mater). I feel bad for my mom, and I'm caught in the middle, being asked to get things for my sister at my mom's house and my mom asking me what's going on and what she did wrong...

I know these problems probably sound insignificant and I shouldn't be bitching. But I had to rant anyway. Thanks for listening.


Here is a big E-Hug for ya.

I feel ya bro.

Now quit crying about sh*t you can't control,change or otherwise doesn't really effect you except emotionally (a wasted and useless human feature).

Then man up and join the Corps!!! DO NOW!

Is that sensitve enough?

[DR EVIL]

Stop thinking we care! :violin:

[h2co-pilot]

can I be blunt?

I think somebody has smoked enuff of those today.;)

[usetosellhummer]

naa I'm just dumb, public edcha macation gots me notin.
now here is something to cheep you up Brock Sampson

:)

[h2co-pilot]

naa I'm just dumb, public edcha macation gots me notin.
now here is something to cheep you up Brock Sampson

:)

Not you Silly!:twak::D

[KenP]

Don't work for your controlling father, you'll be miserable. Unless you really need the cash, that is.

The military would be great for so many reasons, but it's not a refuge to run away to.

[RubHer Yellow Ducky]

see the thread about truck balls. it will answer all your questions...

[h2co-pilot]

Seriously, My parents got divorced when I was 20. My mom moved in with a guy shortly after and lived with him- even today, without marrying. They didn't marry because the alimony ( a significant sum) would stop. After years and years (5 or so) I kept telling my dad it was bs everytime we talked and told him he needed to do something about it. I think alimony is bs anyway. Well, eventually he did (last year)- but put me on the stand as a witness, that they were living together, against my mom. That was...... weird.:D

Your Parents are going through a lot. It causes them to reflect and make their childrens pliable minds a mess. Be there for them but keep a distance.

If the marriage was going to fail it was going to fail, regardless of anything you or your sister could have done or did.

Your sister could very well have had this disorder for awhile now, like millions of girls do in these times. She could also be going through a lot of stress because of the divorce, becoming an adult etc. Some girls eat when they stress, some don't. I don't eat when I am stressed and sometimes get really really thin. If she isn't all that thin but has expressed this disorder, she could be crying out for attention- which is normal in these situations. Either way- the treatment will help her get away and tend to herself.

I worked for my Dad for years as a surgical assistant. Though working with family is odd at times, it can be helpful. You may likely inherit what your Dad has today- working your way up into management/in the company can really do you good and a family business can reap rewards without much school. I couldn't be a surgeon no matter how hard I worked or what I knew, but I learned a lot and took many different positions to learn and take advantage.

When you are young- and I forget how old you are but I think you are a little younger than I, you get dreams and ideas and thoughts seem to flow through your mind and the world seems endless- yet hopeless sometimes. You need to get focused on how you will make a living, make a plan and do it. Emerse yourself into working and doing it for yourself- take pride in it.

You seem to have a huge heart and that gets you into trouble sometimes- like so many of us. You need to step back and realize that you cannot change people. Stay away from negative people and negative thoughts. A positive mind can do wonders. Take care of you and be responsible for you. That means having the morality to tell yourself wat you need to do and refrain from steering clear of your path. Everyone else will find their way as well.:)

[BlueHUMMERH2]

Helpful words CP. Thanks. :)

The divorce took place in 1993, but they have been at it ever since. I have always tried to keep my distance. I just worry about my mom sometimes since she lives alone and has always suffered from depression. Being told she was the root cause of all her daughters problems, I just got more worried than usual.

My dad's been trying to get me involved in his businesses for years. Luckily, I never went into college trying to match what he was doing at the time, as those businesses are long gone... :D

[K9sH3]

When you are young- and I forget how old you are but I think you are a little younger than I, you get dreams and ideas and thoughts seem to flow through your mind and the world seems endless- yet hopeless sometimes. You need to get focused on how you will make a living, make a plan and do it. Emerse yourself into working and doing it for yourself- take pride in it.

You seem to have a huge heart and that gets you into trouble sometimes- like so many of us. You need to step back and realize that you cannot change people. Stay away from negative people and negative thoughts. A positive mind can do wonders. Take care of you and be responsible for you. That means having the morality to tell yourself wat you need to do and refrain from steering clear of your path. Everyone else will find their way as well.:)

:iagree:

Ok if you listen to anyone here I would go with her...

Either she stays at a good hotels or watches alot of Dr. Phill :giggling:


So print what she just said and read it when ever you have to..

[deserth3]

I feel for you.
Best advice I can give is be responsible for yourself.

As for working for your father. Ask yourself this. If for whatever reason the buisness goes under will he blame you? And if so is it worth the hassle? Frankly your father seems to be someone who no matter what happens in his life, if it's bad it's always someone elses fault.
And if I may be so bold your mother seems just the opposite.

we can only blame our issues on our parents for so long. You have a mind of your own; use it. And above all else be reponsible for you self.

Whatever you decide good luck.

[CO Hummer]

I don't eat when I am stressed and sometimes get really really thin.

Obviously, times are care-free right now. Glad to hear it!

[CO Hummer]

.....<insert war and peace>.....

Hahahaha. I don't mean to laugh, but....... hahaahahahahahaaha!

Nothing makes me laugh more than yuppie "problems". You should sell this stuff to Hollywood! My wife grew up with 7 brothers and sisters in a one room ghetto apartment in NYC. Every single one of them made it out of there with no help, and none of them have ever whined about their "problems".

But again, I don't mean to laugh.




haahahaahaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha!

:D

[Hmmm2]

:iagree:

Ok if you listen to anyone here I would go with her...

Either she stays at a good hotels or watches alot of Dr. Phill :giggling:


So print what she just said and read it when ever you have to..
:iagree: X2

[h2co-pilot]

I will be in my office if anyone needs me.:D:D

Obviously, times are care-free right now. Glad to hear it!

Shut it monkey boy.:D

[KenP]

Nothing makes me laugh more than yuppie "problems". You should sell this stuff to Hollywood! My wife grew up with 7 brothers and sisters in a one room ghetto apartment in NYC. Every single one of them made it out of there with no help, and none of them have ever whined about their "problems". Please see this thread:
http://www.elcovaforums.com/forums/showthread.php?goto=newpost&t=25057

[HummBebe]

REALITY CHECK!

GET OFF THE CROSS! WE NEED THE WOOD:violin: :fdance: :jump:

LMAO...I'll have to remember that one.

It's ok to vent. But, one person becoming seriously ill, is usally a sign the whole family is off kilter. Talk to a professional, if nothing else, just to check in and get confirmation that you are ok.