Need help from senior members

[partsguy]

A great while back someone posted a story of a guy and a taser gun.

I think the title was "if you think jeep people are stupid"

I can't find the thread any where.

I just remember the subject and some of the story.
Help me out please.

[DRTYFN]

http://www.elcovaforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=22426&highlight=jeep

[partsguy]

Nope this was written by a member,Basic story line.
1.Guy buys taser gun.
2.guy doesn't believe a 9 volt gun would hurt him
3.guy sit's in chair a zaps himself with gun
Christ I can't remember the rest.

[DRTYFN]

These are the search results for TASER (http://www.elcovaforums.com/forums/search.php?searchid=78108).

Here's the Google results for the words you listed.
Google results (http://www.google.com/search?q=taser+user+zaps+self+&hl=en&client=safari&rls=en-us&start=0&sa=N)

[partsguy]

Thanks....

[KenP]

I remember the story.Dear Friends,

My wife Sandra is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something akin to, "hey y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"

Well, I have outdone myself once again. No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a LifeTime movie in the near future.

Here goes. Last weekend I spied something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled). I bought something really cool for Sandra. The occasion was our 2nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. Tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck ge ek.

If you've never seen one of these thin gs in action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.

Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so.

Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee

I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to Sandra what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, etc., etc. There I sat on my couch, my dog Scooter looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not Scooter) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping Scooter for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. He is such a good dog, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to Sandra to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time... So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicat ely on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!"

Friggin' way--trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself. What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed. I'm sitting there alone, Scooter looking on with his head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it dad," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?). I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight--always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya hate that?)

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY **************! DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!! I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up off the couch, and then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. Scooter was standing over me making sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to himself, > "do it again, do it again!" (Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.

Then, if you're lucky, you won't dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep in your thigh like yours truly.) SON-OF-A-***** that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both titties were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an bounce or two, I'm pretty sure. By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm offering a reward. They're round, rather large, kinda hairy, and handsome if I must say so myself.

Miss 'em . . . sure would like to get 'em back.http://www.pirate4x4.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290109&highlight=tazer

[KenP]

I think the original thread was deleted when we started to run out of space on the old forum so you wouldn't find it. Here's where I linked to the original thread with another link to the story, but you have to be a member to read the thread:
http://www.elcovaforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3744&page=3&highlight=tazer

[KenP]

http://www.snopes.com/humor/follies/taser.asp

Here's a list of places to find it:
Larry's Pistol and Pawn that tickled my fancy (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=Larry%27s+Pistol+and+Pawn+that+tickled+my+fancy&btnG=Google+Search)

[partsguy]

Thank you.I knew some pack rat would have it!!

Don't ask why I wanted though.

[ROX]

Why did you want it?:D

[partsguy]

Rocks...Not telling I look stupid enough already!

Drty I guess I could have helped you out more If I spelled Tazer
correct. sorry.

[timgco]

I'm bringing a tase gun to Moab. Any newb that doesn't listen to the spotter gets tased by Rox. Anyones dog that jumps on my truck get tased also! :popcorn:

[wpage]

Sorry having a 70's moment here. A what?:popcorn:

[partsguy]

Sorry having a 70's moment here. A what?:popcorn:

Don't mind him Woody he's just badgering me about my spelling .

Moab sounds like the thing to do but,going to Alaska this year.