jmsspratlin
11-06-2007, 11:51 PM
Probably a repost...so STFU and read anyway!
Ask yourself:
>
> Am I Gay?
>
> 1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay.
It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have
spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the
Oprah diet.
>
> 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but
> gay-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And
just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your
ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat...>
> "Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed,
you're so gay.
>
> 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense,
> rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab
> claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else
> and you are in training and undeniably a fag.
>
> 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking
> lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
>
> 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never
> be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to
> your lips, you've had a man there, too.
>
> 6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different
> types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be
handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in
his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or
you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type
of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
>
> 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune
> a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a
slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that
hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or
scratch his balls.
>
>
Ask yourself:
>
> Am I Gay?
>
> 1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay.
It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have
spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the
Oprah diet.
>
> 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but
> gay-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And
just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your
ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat...>
> "Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed,
you're so gay.
>
> 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense,
> rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab
> claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else
> and you are in training and undeniably a fag.
>
> 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking
> lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
>
> 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never
> be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to
> your lips, you've had a man there, too.
>
> 6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different
> types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be
handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in
his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or
you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type
of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
>
> 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune
> a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a
slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that
hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or
scratch his balls.
>
>