> Dear President Bush:
>
> Congratulations on your victory over all us
non-evangelicals.
> Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California,
so we're
leaving.
>
> California will now be its own country. And we're
taking all the Blue
> States with us. In case you are not aware, that
includes Hawaii,
> Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan,
Illinois, and all
> of the North
> East. We spoke to God, and she agrees that this
split will be
> beneficial
> to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new
country of
> California. In fact, God is so excited about it,
she's going to shift
> the
> whole country at 4:30 pm EST next Friday. Therefore,
please let
> everyone
> know they need to be back in their states by then.
>
> So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We
get stem cell
> research and the best beaches.
>
> We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. (Okay, we
have to keep the
> Governator; we can live with that.)
>
> We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
>
> We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
>
> We get Harvard. You get Ole Miss.
>
> We get 85% of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get
all
> the technological innovation in Alabama.
>
> We get about two-thirds of the tax revenue, and you
get to make the
> red states pay their fair share.
>
> Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the
Christian Coalition's,
we
> get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of
single moms to
> support, and
> we know how much you like that.
>
> Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's
veggies? But,
heck,
> the only greens the Bible thumpers eat are the
pickles on their Big
> Macs.
>
> Oh yeah, another thing, don't plan on serving
California wine at your
> state dinners. From now on it's imported French wine
for you. Ouch,
> bet that hurts.
>
> Just so we're clear, the country of California will
be pro-choice and
> anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all
Blue States
> citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to
fight, just ask your
> evangelicals. They have tons of kids they're willing
to send to their
> deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't
care if you don't
> show pictures of
> their kids' caskets coming home.
>
> Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four
years and we hope,
> really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass
destruction.
> Seriously. Soon.
>
> Sincerely,
California