Somebody e-mailed this to me a couple years ago. Thought you other SAHD's might enjoy it:
**DAD'S ADVICE
From a San Diego Father who has identified 35 truths he learned from his children:
1. There is no such thing as childproofing
your house.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies
and run over them with roller blades, they
can ignite.
3. A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200
adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling
fan, the motor is not strong enough to
rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy
underwear and a Superman cape.
5. It is strong enough, however, to spread
paint on all four walls of a 20x20' room.
6. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
7. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you
have to throw the ball up several times
before you get a hit.
8. You should not throw baseballs up when the
ceiling fan is on.
9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long
ways.
10. The glass in windows (even double pane)
doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling
fan.
11. When you hear the toilet flush and the
words "uh-oh", it is already too late.
12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke--- -----* lots of it.
13. A 5 year-old boy can start a fire with a
flint rock even though a 40-year old man
says it can only be done in the movies.
14. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on
an overcast day.
15. If you use a waterbed as a home plate while
wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak.
It explodes.
16. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to
fill a 2,000 sq. ft house almost 4 inches
deep.
17. Legos will pass through the digestive tract
of a 4-year-old.
18. Duplos will not.
19. Play-Doh and microwave ovens should never
be used in the same sentence.
20. Super Glue is forever.
21. MacGyver can teach us many things we don't
want to know.
22. So can Tarzan.
23. No matter how much Jell-O you put in the
pool, you still can't walk on water.
24. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
25. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even
though TV commercials show they do.
26. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
27. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise
when driving.
28. You probably don't want to know what that
odor is.
29. Always look in the oven before you turn it
on.
30. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
31. The fire department in San Diego has at
least a 5-minute response time.
32. The spin cycle on the washing machine does
not make earthworms dizzy.
33. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
34. Cats throw up twice their body weight when
dizzy.
35. A good sense of humor will get you through
most problems in life.
(....unfortunately, mostly in retrospect)
