[MarK M]

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After meeting you . . .
(inside of card)
.. . . I changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life . . .
(inside of card)
.. . . I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am . . ..
(inside of card)
.. . . That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go . . .
(inside of card)
.. . . Will you take the knife from my back? You'll need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry . . .
(inside of card)
.. . . Someone other than you.

6. Happy birthday! You look great for your age!
(inside of card)
.. . . Almost lifelike!

7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me . . .
(inside of card)
.. . . Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time . . .
(inside of card)
.. . What do you say we stop?

9. I'm so miserable without you .
(inside of card)
.. . . It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. . .
(inside of card)
.. . . Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only
one life jacket . .
(inside of card)
.. . . I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really special for your birthday . . .
(inside of card)
.. . . So we're having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(. . . Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and West
Virginia.)

14. Looking back all the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder . . .
(inside of card)
.. . . What was I thinking?

15. Congratulations on your wedding day! . . .
(inside of card)
.. . . Too bad no one likes your husband.

16. How could two people as beautiful as you . . .
inside of card)
.. . . Have such an ugly baby!