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Canada


History
British and French explorers originally settled in Canada sometime before 1975. Years of isolation led to Canadians declaring independence in 1984; the Queen never objected, since she forgot Canada's existence. Canada has since become the leading exporter of maple syrup and snow shovels. Over the years, Canadians have inbred and worn snow caps, flannel hats with ear flaps as a mark of their blatant incest.

Culture
Canada fosters two cultures; the Hosers and the French Canadians. The French Canadians are the by-product of French culture settling in Canada, and have notoriety for being voted the snootiest people in North America. French Canadians prefer to be called Quebecois, since they reside in Quebec, a former toxic waste disposal site the French saw fit to colonise. Due to their repulsive stench, the French were not upset by the radioactive waste, and have contributed much to Canadian history.
The Hosers, on the other hand, are unsophisticated hicks who inhabit the remainder of the nation. They are fond of maple syrup, maple leaves, maple wood, maple yams, snow, snow caps, fanny packs and hockey. Hosers thrive inside igloos, homes made from snow bricks, in order to have shelter in an inhospitable environment. The majority of their time is spent blind drunk, and picking fights at hockey matches. It is for this very reason that Canadians are frequently missing teeth.

Politics
The Quebecois demand succession from the Dominion of Canada, and have retaliated by speaking French, an incomprehensible language invented by hobos and pretentious *******s. Quebecois often rally in hopes having a free Quebec, but nobody really cares about French people anymore. Nobody cared in the first place.
Hosers support a liberal government that supports free, state-operated healthcare. Also, Canadians support gay marriage, probably because they're all flamboyantly queer fags; other causes Canadians support are medical marijuana, which explains the high percentage of stoners who frequent Toronto, the cultural crossroads.

Language
After settling in Canada, the settlers mutated British slang into what is now Hoser speek. Absurd expressions such as "eh?" conclude most sentences, and the English word "about" is "aboot" in Hoser speech e.g. "What are ye talking aboot, eh?" etc.
Quebecois are asshats who speak French. That's all you need to know.

Food
A typical meal revolves around maple syrup, a staple in every Canadian's diet. The main crop is elk, supported by vast badger imports from abroad.

Notable Canadians
None, unless you count Celine Dion. Which you shouldn?t.

Further Information
It is acceptable to refer to Canadians--excepting the Quebecois--as Cannucks. Really this is pointless, as you can just point and grunt at a Canadian and they'll understand exactly.