[DRTYFN]

Dear Tide:

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have.
I've used it since the beginning of married life, when my mom told me it was the best.
In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My husband started to berate me about my drinking problem. One thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse as well.
I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip out, I stopped and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and all of the stains came out! They came out so well, in fact, that the DNA tests were negative!
I thank you, once again, for a great product.

Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.