[Marcmedic]

We just got an influx of FNG's at work. While out on a call, an ambulance crew stopped by to fill in while we were out. This new little bastard decided to write "I love cock" and "I'm a fag" in the dirt on the liftgate of my H2. Not sure if he thought I wouldn't find out, but his partner ratted on him (might be since he's a friend of mine). So after they get a call later in the day, I call them on the radio and ask them to stop by the station. I don't think he knew that I found out. He comes strolling onto the station like he never did a thing. His happy day ended when I wrapped my fingers from one hand around his windpipe, put him in a headlock, and started squeezing. The moron has been working here for a month and is on probation for another 11. I asked him if he knew why I was choking him and he shook his head no. I squeezed a litte harder and then he nodded yes. I then asked him if he had any idea who was going to clean my H2. He nodded yes. I then asked him if I was his new daddy. Once again, he nodded yes. I asked a couple more smart assed questions and then let go. He kept looking around like he was going to try and tell. Unfortunately for him, both the witnesses to this are good friends of mine and were laughing their asses off. I explained it to him in plain english...in order for me to not rat his little ass out and have him lose his job, he needed to lick his grafitti off of the back of the H2. He said no at first but when I started walking towards him he agreed. I only made him lick off one of the sayings. Then he washed it for me. I explained to him that any time my H2 gets messed with I'm coming to find him. I then went inside and called my batallion chief to explain what happened(also a friend of mine) because I figured he'd probably snitch. He of course did and was told that vandalizing another employees vehicle while on probation was grounds for termination. As for the alleged battery that ocurred, he was asked to find some witnesses to it...of course nobody saw anything. I own that little bastard now. Probably couldn't have pulled it off on most people but this little bastard is 5'5 and about 180 pounds of lard. I'm 6'5 and 230 and was in a really bad mood. We'll see if anything else happens.