[HUMMERcustoms.com/TAZ]

Thanks H2Finally
It has been a long long war and I'm so mentally tired fighting the fight. I hope this guy can finally do something and the last 3 years of non treatment due to misdiagnosis has not let the illness get to far out of hand.

Sometimes I get to the point I just want to just give up. I mean You can only stand so much 24 Hour a day pain and it just beats You down mentally. But, I just have this thing where I do not give up or give in. Plus I hate to loose. It amazes the Doc and well Me too. Last visit after seeing all My records for last 5 years from all the Doc's He just sat there a few minutes and said "I do not understand how You are alive." Some of the meds that i had been put on have st had clas action ;awsits fled against the companies. There were 2 meds ad I was on them both back to back and even at the same time. One in particular has been a real nasty med. It rewired the bran and 1 of 2 things happened to most all who used this one that it caused the user t gamble all they had away and ruin their famies finacially and the other side effect was it caused a high rate of suicide. I had none of either one of the roblems but, I quit them on My own as i could tell somethig was not feeling right in My mind. I was not as sharp in My mind which is how I make a living is being sharp and seeing opportunities before someone esle and I could feel hat slipping away. So I quit the lst thing he added. Turned out to be a good thing.

I told Doc it all depends on how You look at things and the priorities in life and I was not ready to die. There are many reasons I'm still here which most of You that know Me already concerning My Faith & Belief that is all I will say about that as I do not want to get some in a tiraid. But, when Your kids loose their mother in 2003 You become a Mom and Dad your will to be there gets stronger than I could describe. They needed Me so I stayed around.

I married off My last and youngest of 2 daughters this past Saturday. So i do not worry about being around so much now. It is funny but the strangest thought hit me later last Sat. after wedding. The only thing She requested was I drive them Off in My H2. I was going to get a Limo. She said no way, She did not want to ride off in some piece of junk I want to ride off in the nicest H2 I have ever seen, do not know about that but did win the state Hummer title weekend before last first back to back winner. So that is what I did drive them off.

After dropping them off to take off on honeymoon I just sat there a bit and realized I'm the only one left with My family last name. When I go it is gone. I have no sons but 2 great son in laws. But, it was weird and I guess some of You may have had that thought. It just came in My head as i sat there and do not know what caused me to think of it. It was a really wierd feeling as I have always said that how You live Your life is all that is left when Your gone and leaving a good name is about the most important and only thing You can have permanently.

Being the only person that has the family name all of a sudden was a super lonely feeling. It just sort of freaked me out when it hit me that I'm the last of the clan. Really wierd feeling at that time. Do not care anymore now but, was really strange thought at the time. Like You were the only person left on the earth.

To all who have kept checking on Me when i was not at the forum as much I want to take this time to tell You. Thank You for Your concern.
I will be off & on checking in as this as been like a second family.
So Thank You all and You know who You are.

Now I'm having trouble using the site with double posts and constantly being asked to log in when I did it already.

If You would could I get someone to PM Me with solutions or tell Me what I'm doing wrong? It is embarrasing to see 3 posts, identical post on thread. Do not know how I made that mistake so hopefully someone will PM Me and coach Me on the site. By the way Jason I really like what You did wth the new look ect.

Thank All
Rick