Guess what we got

[Hmmm2]

I'm sorry for your loss, Carey. I know it's painful to lose a buddy like Duke. The best you can do is to remember all the great times you had with your pet. We all get attached to them, whether or not some people want to admit it.

[ssgharkness020147]

Thank you Hmmm3,
For your kind words. I will always remember the good times I had with Duke. His collar is sitting next to me as we speak, I hope I did not bang him up too much as I took it off of him. The thing that really troubles me is that it was unexpected. He was in great health, and at only 6 years old about half way through his life. The thing that kills me is that I wish I had been there for him. I wish I had been at my parents that night, found some excuse to go over there, and found him before it was to late. My mom is so shaken up by this.
After she called me she called me to come and help asked me to help my dad move all 126 pounds of him, of course I told her I would be right there. The whole way over I was in shock. As I pulled in to their road the reality set in, I stopped for a second and said to myself "this is about to get a whole lot worse for me." I went down to their driveway and parked, got out and smoked my cigarette until I hit the filter, delaying going in to the house as long as I could. But, when I went in my dad was in the kitchen telling me he was upstairs on a snow sled. For the first time the reality of the situation set in and all of a sudden I got so chocked up. As I followed him thought the house and got to the bottom of the staircase I could hear my mom crying, and crying, and crying. When I got to the top and turned the corner toward their room I saw him on the sled. My mom still in her dressed up dinner clothes on her knees balling her eyes on saying "oh Duke oh Duke oh Duke" over and over again with her arms around his body. It took my dad and I 45 minutes to let us take him out the door and down to the garage for the night in the back of the golf cart. Once we got him outside the main entrance and in to the back of the golf car my mom and I sat there for about and hour petting him. All the while our three year old Duchess was sniffing at Dukes body. I'm so worried about Dutch, she has never been and only dog, and she took the loss of my Kimber so hard. I finally got my mom to let me take him down to the garage for the night, once we got him down there we sat for another 20 or 30 minutes petting him, after that I could finally get her to go to bed.

Over the years I have been through allot. At 22 I have been through allot more then most people my age. My grandfather died when I was nine, his death was and will be worse for me then when my dad dies. He spent so much time with me, we understood each other. He did the things with me that I have always wished my dad had done with me. I had all my problems with school. Got kicked out of this school or that school. Sent from doctor to doctor. Wound up at "alternative school" my freshman year and did well. Hit a bad depression my sophomore year of school and failed miserably. Went through what in short was a mock kidnapping 4 days after school ended that year, set up by my parents. Taken to "wilderness" and then sent straight to lockdown for 8 months. I was put through "sensory deprivation" and a host of other things there, put in a room under the pretenses that I would be there "as long as it takes." it was the worst experience I had ever been through at the time. The state of Oregon could shut that place down in a hearbeat if they wanted too. My only glimmer of hope at that time was that I would be 18 soon at that time. During my time at lockdown I realized that I wanted to go to Military School, which I told my parents who where not so keen on the idea at the time. But, my dad and I went and looked at schools for the next year during this time and once he saw a Military School, particularly the type of Military School I wanted to go to (ie... A GOOD ONE) their mind changed. I was taken out of lockdown abruptly and brought home immediately. Found the school I wanted to go to next: Marion Military Institute and went there. Long story short, I loved the school but had problems with the dean who decided after I got there to hold me back a year. And of course put me off till after spring break to tell me. Well I dont take that ****. I went home for a long weekend and never went back. Wound up going back to alternative school again, and graduating on time by the hair on my ass. But found myself in another bad depression and back at the doc again. He told me to take time off again for med changes. My least favorite thing. I have been on over 80 medications at this point in my life. Whatever in the end it all worked out. From there I drifted around in life for a few years, having problem after problem with my family. I know my family loves me and I really know they do. But I can help but feel betrayed and forsaken by them. Then on new years things boiled down to an end at home. My 20 year old sis and I had a VERBAL fight over a harmless comment made. This is the only detail of my life that I will not go in to detail over. Needless to say things boiled over. I was made out to be the bad guy again. As always. Not long after I moved out.

I have a dad who does not like to see me. Every time I go over I barely get a hello out of him. Occasionally I get an I love you, but I always feel that its after my mom elbows him in the ribs. I have a 15 year old sister that I love and that I know that loves me, but after everything I have been through in that house and with my family I dont even know where to begin with, let alone how to talk to. I have a 20 year old sister that is dead to me and always will be. And a mom that I know loves me, but does not know how to tell me. A family that I dont trust, that as far as I am concerned I cannot trust. Anytime they find anything out about me I wind up in some ****hole against my will. And through it all I have always had kimbers or duke or both. I dont need my family or friends. All I need is my Kimbers or Duke, and now they are both gone. Great. Well now ya'll know the story of my life. Oh well.... Life is not about how many times you fall... Its about how many times you pick yourself up again and DRIVE ON. Once again it time to drive on. I hope my life will straighten out soon. I'm sick of the rollar coaster.

[h2co-pilot]

Aw, Carey, I'm so sorry.

I wonder what was wrong with him, at least it was peaceful. I would be a mess, make sure you take care of yourself and your heart during all of this. (Eat well and snuggle up in a big blanket etc...)

[Hmmm2]

Carey, you're going to be okay. You even ended your post by saying, "Oh well.... Life is not about how many times you fall... Its about how many times you pick yourself up again and DRIVE ON. Once again it time to drive on." That's very true! Believe in what you had just said! You still have Duchess, right? Love her as your little 'buddy'. Or, here is something you might not want to hear now, but ... go to the shelter and find a pair of big brown eyes that need a home. Adopt him/her and love that pet. It will give you unconditional love .. you will have saved his/her life. Pets can make the difference of happiness or unhappiness in people's lives. They trust you, they love you and all they want is the same in return. When our 'human' friends don't come through for us at times, we can always count on the pet waiting at home for us. Carey,I'm so sorry for what you have had to go through in your young life already. You seem strong regardless .. perhaps it matured you more quickly than you had hoped. But, you know it's all in your past now. Look ahead .. you have your whole life ahead of you. Make a trip to the pet shelter, Carey .. give all of that 'caring and love' you had for Duke to another pet needing someone like you.