Why It's Better to Be a Man

DDWH · #1 11-19-2005, 11:50 PM

Why Men are so Damn Cool...

1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

2. Your orgasms are real. Always!

3. Your last name stays put.

4. The garage is all yours.

5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

8. You don't give a **** if someone notices your new haircut.

9. Hot wax never comes near your pubes.

10. Same work .. more pay.

11. Wrinkles add character.

12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

13. Wedding Dress 2000; Tux Hire 100.

14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

17. One mood, ALL the damn time.

18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

19. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.

20. You can open all your own jars.

21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

22. Your underwear is $5 for a three-pack.

23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.

25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

26. You can quietly watch a football game with your friends for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

27. No maxi-pads.

28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

30.. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut or a bolt.

31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.

32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.

34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

35. You can "do" your nails with a penknife.

36. Christmas shopping is accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.

37. The world is your urinal.

Ten Things men know for sure about women.

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. They have BEWBIES!

DDWH · #2 11-19-2005, 11:50 PM

Why Men are so Damn Cool...

1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

2. Your orgasms are real. Always!

3. Your last name stays put.

4. The garage is all yours.

5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

8. You don't give a **** if someone notices your new haircut.

9. Hot wax never comes near your pubes.

10. Same work .. more pay.

11. Wrinkles add character.

12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

13. Wedding Dress 2000; Tux Hire 100.

14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

17. One mood, ALL the damn time.

18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

19. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.

20. You can open all your own jars.

21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

22. Your underwear is $5 for a three-pack.

23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.

25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

26. You can quietly watch a football game with your friends for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

27. No maxi-pads.

28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

30.. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut or a bolt.

31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.

32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.

34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

35. You can "do" your nails with a penknife.

36. Christmas shopping is accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.

37. The world is your urinal.

Ten Things men know for sure about women.

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. They have BEWBIES!

GeorgeSSSS · #3 11-20-2005, 12:02 AM

Talk about asking for trouble.

Good Luck,

George SSSS

h2co-pilot · #5 11-20-2005, 01:11 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by DDWH:
Why Men are so Damn Cool...vs. Why women are cooler

1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. If my ass is a factor in a job interview, I've got a juicy lawsuit.

2. Your orgasms are real. Always!All our orgasms are real...the fake ones aren't. Multiple orgasms are virtually always female.

3. Your last name stays put.Our last name can be whatever we want it to be.

4. The garage is all yours. That's right.

5. Wedding plans take care of themselves. They are our option.

6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.Sex fixes everything, costs nothing, and is fun for us too!.

7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.Car mechanics can be seduced into telling us the truth. 

8. You don't give a **** if someone notices your new haircut.We don't give a rat's ass if someone notices our new transmission. 

9. Hot wax never comes near your pubes.We never get anything caught in our zippers

10. Same work .. more pay.Nobody thinks a thing of it if we decide not to work

11. Wrinkles add character.We can admire Clint Eastwood without wanting to look like him. And we live longer.

12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. We don't have emergency crotch adjustments

13. Wedding Dress 2000; Tux Hire 100. Wedding Dress, Grandma's heirloom, free. Tux rental $100.

14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. With usually one ovum per month, we do our part to curb population growth.

15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. People never glance at your crotch when you're talking to them.

16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.We can masturbate neatly

17. One mood, ALL the damn time.We never have to worry about other people's feelings

18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds. Phone conversations are conversations, not a series of grunts.

19. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.We can pack a lot and not have to carry it.

20. You can open all your own jars. We can pretend to be helpless and no one laughs at us

21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. We get extra credit for the slightest act of oral sex

22. Your underwear is $5 for a three-pack. Our underwear is $7 for a six pack

23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. If we're 34 and single we lucked out

24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat. We are unafraid to ask for directions and we don't feel compelled to do stupid things to "prove" ourselves.

25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.We can buy all the shoes we want because an empty wallet does not make us invisible to the opposite sex.

26. You can quietly watch a football game with your friends for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me." We needn't pretend we're "just" going out for drinks when we go to a male revue. 

27. No maxi-pads. No "erection in public" problems. Women athletes don't need a cup. We can admit to using sex toys, what man ever confesses to using a "love doll"?

28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, it's GUARANTEED we'll become lifelong buddies

29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. Well,Colorblindess is a man problem, as well as hemophelia

30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut or a bolt. If something mechanical doesn't work, we can fix it, or ask to get it fixed without loss of sexual identity

31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes. We never have to miss a wrinkle or a sexual opportunity.

32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. Speaking of cut..We think the idea of Lorena Bobbit is funny

33. Your belly usually hides your big hips. And your penis. And Nobody secretly wonders if we're impotent

34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. We don't have to remember sports stats to be considered real women..

35. You can "do" your nails with a penknife. And you would- eyu. 

36. Christmas shopping is accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes. We can be showered and ready in 10 minutes, but why bother?

37. The world is your urinal.We can go to the bathroom sitting down. Ahhhh...

Ten Things men should know about women.

1.We can fart in public and no one ever suspects us.
2.Sports figures can be a source of sexual stimulation.
3.Our shaving mistakes can be hidden.
4.If someone forgets to invite us to something, we can show up anyway
5.We get to have sex 90% of your waking hours if we want it
6.We never misconstrue innocuous statements
7.We know at least 20 ways to fix chicken
8.We pay less for car insurance
9.We don't have to wear ties.
10.We know we have BEWBIES! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

HummBebe · #6 11-20-2005, 01:58 AM

Snaps for CoP!!!!!

H2Finally · #8 11-20-2005, 02:16 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by h2co-pilot:
16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.We can masturbate neatly
</div></BLOCKQUOTE>The lack of correlation in this one bugs me..

Fubar · #9 11-20-2005, 04:20 AM

Too funny.

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by h2co-pilot:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by DDWH:
Why Men are so Damn Cool...vs. Why women are cooler

1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. If my ass is a factor in a job interview, I've got a juicy lawsuit.

2. Your orgasms are real. Always!All our orgasms are real...the fake ones aren't. Multiple orgasms are virtually always female.

3. Your last name stays put.Our last name can be whatever we want it to be.

4. The garage is all yours. That's right.

5. Wedding plans take care of themselves. They are our option.

6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.Sex fixes everything, costs nothing, and is fun for us too!.

7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.Car mechanics can be seduced into telling us the truth. 

8. You don't give a **** if someone notices your new haircut.We don't give a rat's ass if someone notices our new transmission. 

9. Hot wax never comes near your pubes.We never get anything caught in our zippers

10. Same work .. more pay.Nobody thinks a thing of it if we decide not to work

11. Wrinkles add character.We can admire Clint Eastwood without wanting to look like him. And we live longer.

12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. We don't have emergency crotch adjustments

13. Wedding Dress 2000; Tux Hire 100. Wedding Dress, Grandma's heirloom, free. Tux rental $100.

14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. With usually one ovum per month, we do our part to curb population growth.

15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. People never glance at your crotch when you're talking to them.

16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.We can masturbate neatly

17. One mood, ALL the damn time.We never have to worry about other people's feelings

18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds. Phone conversations are conversations, not a series of grunts.

19. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.We can pack a lot and not have to carry it.

20. You can open all your own jars. We can pretend to be helpless and no one laughs at us

21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. We get extra credit for the slightest act of oral sex

22. Your underwear is $5 for a three-pack. Our underwear is $7 for a six pack

23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. If we're 34 and single we lucked out

24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat. We are unafraid to ask for directions and we don't feel compelled to do stupid things to "prove" ourselves.

25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.We can buy all the shoes we want because an empty wallet does not make us invisible to the opposite sex.

26. You can quietly watch a football game with your friends for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me." We needn't pretend we're "just" going out for drinks when we go to a male revue. 

27. No maxi-pads. No "erection in public" problems. Women athletes don't need a cup. We can admit to using sex toys, what man ever confesses to using a "love doll"?

28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, it's GUARANTEED we'll become lifelong buddies

29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. Well,Colorblindess is a man problem, as well as hemophelia

30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut or a bolt. If something mechanical doesn't work, we can fix it, or ask to get it fixed without loss of sexual identity

31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes. We never have to miss a wrinkle or a sexual opportunity.

32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. Speaking of cut..We think the idea of Lorena Bobbit is funny

33. Your belly usually hides your big hips. And your penis. And Nobody secretly wonders if we're impotent

34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. We don't have to remember sports stats to be considered real women..

35. You can "do" your nails with a penknife. And you would- eyu. 

36. Christmas shopping is accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes. We can be showered and ready in 10 minutes, but why bother?

37. The world is your urinal.We can go to the bathroom sitting down. Ahhhh...

Ten Things men should know about women.

1.We can fart in public and no one ever suspects us.
2.Sports figures can be a source of sexual stimulation.
3.Our shaving mistakes can be hidden.
4.If someone forgets to invite us to something, we can show up anyway
5.We get to have sex 90% of your waking hours if we want it
6.We never misconstrue innocuous statements
7.We know at least 20 ways to fix chicken
8.We pay less for car insurance
9.We don't have to wear ties.
10.We know we have BEWBIES! </div></BLOCKQUOTE> </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

KenP · #10 11-20-2005, 03:21 PM

Orbital H2 · #11 11-21-2005, 03:03 AM

H2Blondie · #12 11-22-2005, 02:25 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by h2co-pilot:
22. Your underwear is $5 for a three-pack. Our underwear is $7 for a six pack
</div></BLOCKQUOTE>

CoP, I agree with you on the rest of these, but I've never found a six-pack for $7 at Victoria's Secret around here!

h2co-pilot · #13 11-22-2005, 02:39 AM

Me neither, I am assuming those are Walmart granny packs.

But I just got a "Free Angels Lace Panty" card from VS in the mail. So that's even better.

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