My first Crop Dusting Experience

[h2co-pilot]

I took the family out shopping tewnite. It's Columbus day- the savings are huge. They needed some guy all around jackets- anoraks if you will. They had some Columbia on sale at Kohl's and some others at Sears. We didn't go earlier because my stomach hurt. I made Chili yesterday, it was kinda spicy and I added a lot of beans.

We first went to Ruby Tuesday for the salad bar, I had determined that everyone in the family was going to get the salad bar. They have been eating nothing but chili and cheese for 24 hours. - minus the Aunt Jemima Griddle cake in the morning. Like I said my stomach hurt, the pantry graze and cook it yourself order had become, of course, whatever was most convienent and disgusting.

So after Ruby Tuesdays, we set out for the jackets. On to Sears. We parked and walked in the Tool section. Now maybe that's what got Ken excited- but his after dinner crop dust was way more turbulent than prior shopping trips.

Those that haven't smelled the wrath fury of Ken have only heard but can well imagine what he is capable of. Tewnite was no exception, fueled by beans and butterflies from Craftsman toys on sale.

Just your typical shopping crop dusting- I'm thoroughly pissed and disgusted. Ken strategically planting his bombs- me walking threw them, surprise-gag-cuss-slap. Ken laughing hysterically and strolling through aisles with his little crop dusting smirk. It was Ken's shock and awe of the start of a long season. I was pissed, thinking of all the times I will be shopping with him this year as I vowed for him to have more participation in shopping for his family this Christmas.

We go onto Kohl's. I went to another section until he matured. I was also worried that something so potent would stick after marinating in it for the previous half hour. I needed a break. All was fine. We checked out and proceeded to go back through the mall to the parking lot.

I didn't get anything tonite and saw Bill O'Reilly's book out front in Walden's Books. Let's go in here real quick I say. I pick up the book and peruse the back. Just then, I felt it- an unmistakeable pain and pressure. I put the book down and was prepared to gather the boys and leave. And then it hit, the small wince turned into a revengeful smirk.

"hey, I'm going back here." I say.

Hold it Hold it. I tell myself as I stroll towards the back. I have never been able to toot on command and rarely do it at all to my knowledge. Except when my tummy hurts. I was trying not to get too excited for fear that it will go away like an expected sneeze.

Cruising for an appropiate target spot I couldn't help but think how everything from the past 24 hours has built up for this one moment. The chili, the hurt tummy and the perfect opportune moment. An empty Waldens and an unsuspecting Ken.

I observe his browsing patterns. I had it down. Lock and load.

I let out a modest but good "bwuaaawr". (I can never hold in my laughter when I do anything like this- when I try to scare people- forget it. I always give it away.) I laughed and said "Do you like that?" Lmao off walking around and looking at Ken. He didn't seem to know what was going on. My laughter faded quick- but still smiling and proud I explained to him what happened. He started laughing hysterically and pointed out the dude on the floor. I swear he must have been 2 feet away and at ass level.

Needless to say, I was embarrassed. I didn't stick around to see if it smelled bad, but it was a hot one. Giggity. Fuggin A!!!

Me = self wned