Excerpt from Ships Log

[Ipedog]

Seeing as its going to be QUIET for a while...

I found this copy from an old ships log. Deadpan but funny reading...


Dear Sir: It is with regret and haste that I write this letter to
you; regret that such a small misunderstanding could lead to the
following circumstances, and haste in order that you will get this
report before you form your own preconceived opinions from reports
in the World Press, for I am sure that they will tend to
overdramatize the affair.

We had just picked up the pilot, and the apprentice had returned
from changing the ‘G’ flag for the ‘H’, and being his first trip
was having difficulty in rolling the ‘G’ flag up. I therefore
proceeded to show him how, coming to the last part I told him to
‘let go’. The lad, although willing, is not too bright,
necessitating my having to repeat the order in a sharper tone.

At this moment the Chief Officer appeared from the chart room,
having been plotting the vessel’s progress, and thinking that it
was the anchors that were being referred to, repeated the ‘let go’
to the Third Officer on the forecastle. The port anchor, having
been cleared away, but not walked out, was promptly let go. The
effect of letting the anchor drop from the ‘pipe’ while the vessel
was proceeding at full harbour speed proved too much for the
windlass brake, and the entire length of the port cable was pulled
out ‘by the roots.’ I fear that the damage to the chain locker may
be extensive.

The braking effect of the port anchor naturally
caused the vessel to sheer in that direction, right towards the
swing bridge that spans a tributary to the river up which we were
proceeding.

The swing bridge operator showed great presence of mind by opening
the bridge for my vessel. Unfortunately he did not think to stop
the vehicular traffic. The result being that the bridge partly
opened and deposited a Volkswagon, two cyclists and a cattle truck
on the foredeck. My ship’s company are at present rounding up the
contents of the latter, which from the noise I would say were pigs.

In his efforts to stop the progress of the vessel the Third Officer
dropped the starboard anchor, too late to be of practical use for
it fell on the swing bridge operator’s control cabin.

After the port anchor was let go and the vessel started to sheer I
gave a double ring Full Astern on the Engine Room Telegraph, and
personally rang the Engine Room to order maximum astern
revolutions. I was informed that the temperature was 83 degrees,
and was asked if there was a film tonight. My reply would not add
constructively to this report.

Up to now I have confined my report to the activities at the
forward end of my vessel. Down aft they were having their own
problems. At the moment the port anchor was let go, the Second
Officer was supervising the making fast of the aft tug, and was
lowering the ship’s towing spring down into the tug.

The sudden braking effect of the port anchor caused the tug to
‘run in under’ the stern of my vessel, just at the moment when the
propeller was answering my double ring Full Astern. The prompt
action of the Second Officer in securing the shipboard end of the
towing spring delayed the sinking of the tug by some minutes
thereby allowing the safe abandoning of that vessel.

It is strange, but at the very same moment of letting go the port
anchor there was a power cut ashore. The fact that we were passing
over a ‘cable area’ at that time may suggest that we may have
touched something on the river bed. It is perhaps lucky that the
high tension cables brought down by the foremast were not live, but
owing to the shore blackout it is impossible to say where the pylon
fell.

It never fails to amaze me, the actions and behavior of
foreigners during moments of minor crisis. The pilot for instance,
is at this moment huddled in the corner of my day cabin,
alternately crooning to himself and crying after having consumed a
bottle of gin in a time that is worthy of inclusion in the Guinness
Book of Records. The tug captain on the other hand reacted
violently and had to forcibly be restrained by the Steward, who has
him handcuffed in the ship’s hospital while he is telling me to do
impossible things with my ship and my person.

I enclose the names and addresses of the drivers, and insurance
companies of the vehicles on my foredeck, which the Third Officer
collected after his somewhat hurried evacuation of the forecastle.
These particulars will enable you to claim back the damage that
they did to the railings of number one hold.

I am closing this preliminary report for I am finding it difficult
to concentrate with the sound of police sirens and the flashing
lights. It is sad to think that had the apprentice realized that
there is no need to fly pilot flags after dark, none of this would
have happened.

[lotus4s]

LOL, I think he was having a bad day......

[ratesguy]

Too Funny!

[DDWH]

HA!