Tom Cruise is just very happy

[DRTYFN]

Mr. Cruise's spokeswoman, his sister Lee Anne De Vette, said she had not heard anything negative after the "Oprah" appearance. "You're looking at someone who's genuinely very happy," she said. "The response we've gotten back is complete enthusiasm and exhilaration for his enthusiasm and exhilaration. He's a very happy person."

From: This link

Uhm... very very happy? Or is he very very very very "happy"?

[h2co-pilot]

I don't care about his political/religious preferences - that's how hot he is. Ari Fleischer and Shawn Hannity are way hot too.

I think Tom and Katie are happy together. Too bad about her feet.

[rodster]

Foxnews.com reported earlier this week:

Tom Cruise: Love for Sale?

The voting is done, and the verdict isn't good.

Tom Cruise's "romance" with former "Dawson's Creek" star Katie Holmes is being viewed as a fake, one of the most cynical PR blitzes created by Hollywood in a long time.

Source

Correction: It was last week.

[Dug]

The pic in the truck probably is 13 , but the pic before that she looks err.. 21.

Travolta??

[DRTYFN]

Maybe Tom can fix it with his super Scientology Wonder Powers. Yep, maybe he'll do just that... right after he wipes off his chin.

[Harley]

...wait till Tommy needs bypass surgery... see if biting on a stick will stop the pain of the sternal saw when his surgeon "unzips" his chest...

K

[PARAGON]

<H1>TheSpoof.com</H1>
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<H1>Tom Cruise Slams Anesthesia as Pseudo-Science</H1></TD></TR>
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<TD>Written by JJ Alan</TD></TR>
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<TD>Just days after calling psychiatry a fraud, Hollywood superstar and Church of Scientology devotee Tom Cruise is now declaring war on another sacred cow of the medical world. In an exclusive interview on Access Hollywood, the star of the upcoming surefire blockbuster "War of the Worlds" blasted the use of anesthesia, labeling the sedation of patients during painful, life-threatening surgeries as "dangerous pseudo-scientific drug abuse."

"I'm ready to tackle the myths about anesthesia head on," Cruise told Access Hollywood.
"People say anesthesia is safe. They're being drugged up and put in a virtual coma, even for hours at a time. That is just irresponsible and crazy."

And the movie hunk also shared some of his own personal experiences with ultra-orthodox physicians bent on sedating patients during excruciatingly painful procedures.

"When I was a kid I had to have my appendix removed," said Cruise, "and the doctors wanted to use anesthesia. Well, thank goodness my mother wouldn't let them. Instead I bit on a Mongol warrior
spear and chanted the Ceaseless Chant of Immortality to the Supreme Cosmic Redeemer. And I'm thankful for that."

Cruise also said he thinks the persistent use of anesthesia has had serious negative effects on society, pointing to a decline in SAT scores and educational standards, increased drug abuse among adults and children, and the general public's tendency to waste $10-$15 of their hard-earned cash and two or three hours of their precious lives on some mindless, special effects swill in which an artificially buff pretty boy
smites giant reptilian extraterrestrials.

But unlike Cruise's recent attack on psychiatry, which only prompted backlash from Brooke Shields, heavy-hitters of the American medical community are fighting back, calling the actor's comments dangerous, irresponsible and just downright insane.

"Anesthesia is one of the greatest discoveries in the history of medicine," retorted Dr. John Nelson, president of the American Medical Association. "It has saved literally millions of lives. Is this guy for real?"

"I know Mr. Cruise doesn't believe in psychiatry, which is a real shame," snapped Dr. John Donlon of Harvard Medical School's Department of Anesthesiology, "because he clearly needs some serious counseling if he thinks
amputations or heart bypass surgeries should be performed along with L. Ron Hubbard readings instead of under general anesthesia."

But despite the immediate counterattacks by esteemed Medical professionals, Cruise is standing by his controversial indictment of anesthesia, and he's even promoting an alternative to the generally accepted practice of sedating patients during major medical operations. A Level III Operating Thetan in the Church of Scientology, Cruise provided Access Hollywood viewers with a program for fighting pain
without unnecessary anesthesia.

"The sensation of pain is not actual pain," Cruise explained. "What you're experiencing is actually an engram, or a negative mental image picture, from the pain you experienced 75 billion years ago when you were imprisoned by the Galactic Overlord Xenu. A steady program of thetan-cleansing will easily eradicate any pain sensations and thus the need for anesthesia. It's simple, it's proven and it works."

Unfortunately, Cruise did not go any further into this amazing process that will someday make anesthesia obsolete, instead shifting the topic to his latest inamorata, actress Katie Holmes, who came out to join Cruise for the second half of the Access Hollywood interview. And the 26-year-old former "Dawson's Creek" star steadfastly backed up her new beau regarding his polemic against anesthesia and his belief in Scientology, which some critics have harshly characterized as a quack religion and a brainwashing cult of scam artists.

"Anesthesia is a fraud. Psychiatry is pseudo-science," intoned a glassy-eyed Holmes. "Scientology is the only true religion."

"I love this woman," Cruise interrupted with
a passionate kiss and then leapt on top of a nearby table and began to do furious jumping jacks.

"I love Tom Cruise," continued Holmes in an eerie monotone. "Tom is the most wonderful man I've ever met. He is the most virile man I've ever known. He is definitely not a homosexual."

"That's enough, honey," Cruise interrupted.

"Tom has never ever had sex with a man," Holmes went on. "Tom does not have a stable of leather-clad teenage boys tied up in the dungeon of his Hollywood mansion that would be the envy of Michael
Jackson."

"OK, that's good, Katie," Cruise broke in, appearing to shut off his new flame with a curious hand gesture.

But while Cruise may have the new woman in his life convinced that anesthesia is an unnecessary act of medical drug abuse, and that he's not a flaming homosexual, the medical community is not likely to give up this fight.

"There is only one thing that I believe in more than the efficacy and the importance of anesthesia in performing major surgery," says Dr. Ronald Pearl, chairman of Stanford University's Department of Anesthesiology, "and that's the absolute scientific certainty that Tom Cruise is an insatiable butt pirate. I'll stake my professional reputation on it."

Undaunted by such attacks on Scientology and his sexual preference, Cruise is scheduled to appear on Access Hollywood again next week to dismiss another widely accepted discipline of modern medicine. So if you want to see Tom Cruise lambaste the discovery of antibiotics, the polio vaccine or maybe the need for humans to have a functioning spinal cord, tune into Access Hollywood next week. Or if you just want to see Tom Cruise waste lots of aliens for a couple of hours on the big screen instead of pontificating on TV like a Svengali cult leader, "War of the
Worlds" opens on June 29th.

In the meantime, to satisfy your moviegoing pleasures and your need for cutting edge medical news, check out the new "Star Wars" flick. Folks say it's pretty darn entertaining, and that whole "Force" thing could be a real medical breakthrough.</TD></TR>
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http://www.thespoof.com/news/print.cfm?storyID=8393</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

[DRTYFN]

So she's got one foot that's kind of hoofy.

[Dug]

drty, who is that. I need to get a hold of her to see if she will marry me.

[DennisAJC]

Jeez! You guys! Who's next? John?

[DRTYFN]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Dug3x3:
drty, who is that. I need to get a hold of her to see if she will marry me. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ick!!! She looks like she's twelve... ok, 13.

BTW, Travolta is also a you-know-what.

[PARAGON]

Yeah, but...... Maverick is getting a little bit of the Rainbow Warrior, Jeff Gordon. Didn't you know they hooked up during Days of Thunder.

[ROX]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Mr. I - Man:
Isn't this ****er dyslexic how does he even know what an SAT is, and did his momma have to read Dyanetics to him while stroking his mongolian spear because of Dyslexicia. Oh yeah those braces he had were so natural. ****ing washed up hack </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

How do you REALLY feel?

Personally, he can play Volleyball in MY court anytime. Preferrably Before he drinks the Kool Aid; It wouldn't be the same after.

[PARAGON]

Her feet????? Have you looked at his teeth? His midline defect is so bad that one of his centrals lines up perfectly with his septum. I mean his uppers are moved around at least 1/2 an inch.

Besides I haven't seen her feet so there is nothing wrong with them.

[PARAGON]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by usetosellhummer:
Seen any old Church of Scientology folks? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>That would be because the "Church" is like.... only 15 years old.

Yes, Roxy, the quote is true. Galactic Overlord Xenu played movies 75 billion years ago to prisoners to blah blah blah.

It some wierd sick ****.

[Dan]

Can't stand that self-serving POS.

[ROX]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">"The sensation of pain is not actual pain," Cruise explained. "What you're experiencing is actually an engram, or a negative mental image picture, from the pain you experienced 75 billion years ago when you were imprisoned by the Galactic Overlord Xenu. A steady program of thetan-cleansing will easily eradicate any pain sensations and thus the need for anesthesia. It's simple, it's proven and it works." </div></BLOCKQUOTE>



I'm crushed. uh uhhhh. Tell me he didn't say that. "The Galactic Overlord Xenu"?

[KenP]

He's a freak.

[PARAGON]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by tower:
.....I used to be a cinematographer.... </div></BLOCKQUOTE>Is that like being "key grip?"

[Mr. I - Man]

Isn't this ****er dyslexic how does he even know what an SAT is, and did his momma have to read Dyanetics to him while stroking his mongolian spear because of Dyslexicia. Oh yeah those braces he had were so natural. ****ing washed up hack