Comical but messed up!!

[TootsSUT]

Okay America, we got some learning to do here!!

The story formally known as Twas The Night Before Christmas:

Twas the night before a non denominational winter holiday when all through the house
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
(Don't you dare kill it!!)
The neutral gift sacks were hung by the chimney with care
in hopes that a non-specific holiday figure would soon be there.
Children of every race, creed and nationality were resting all snug in their beds
while visions of sugar-free plums danced in their heads
when out on the lawn there rose such a clatter
I got up out of bed to see what was the matter
(and to see who was violating the neighborhood sound level ordinance).
But what to my wondering eyes did appear?
An emissions free vehicle and eight sized challenged reindeer.
'Holiday figure' was so lively and quick.
I knew in a moment it must be, well, holiday figure.
He had a broad but normal face and an advanced sized belly
and he laughed "lady of the evening, lady of the evening, lady of the evening!!"
(we can't even say "Ho, Ho, Ho" anymore!!)

Heelloooo??? His name is Santie Claus and he cracks deer with a horse whip, breaks in to people's houses, drinks rum and eggnog and looks like Uncle Jesse from Dukes of Hazard!!! Get over it!!