Are you gay???

[ChiHummer3]

ARE YOU GAY?
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard
stomach, you are gay.
It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the
boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics,
and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is
like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches
itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to
be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come
here! get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you
call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're
fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or
any such non-sense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man
only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts,
pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and
undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroomor piss
in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's
world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A
straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put
a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors
or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie,
you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't
have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can
pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And
if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you
are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it;
you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the
wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the
time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or
hold his beer.