Top 30 facts about Chuck Norris

[PARAGON]

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living **** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

[PARAGON]

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living **** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

[GeorgeSSSS]

Paragon:

I'm not sure I understand your post, but I know some people who've worked with Chuck Norris on movie sets. I'm told he always shows up for work on time, is always fully prepared to perform his part of the movie, and is always polite and considerate of everyone else on the set.

Another person who's worked with him told me that he believes Norris is eternally grateful to be in show business, i.e., it hasn't gone to his head.

Also, he's never made a movie that lost money. I think only he and John Wayne have that distinction.

What's my point? I guess I don't have one other than to say Chuck sounds like an OK guy to me.

Best regards,

George

[PARAGON]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by GeorgeSSSS:
Paragon:

I'm not sure I understand your post, but I know some people who've worked with Chuck Norris on movie sets. I'm told he always shows up for work on time, is always fully prepared to perform his part of the movie, and is always polite and considerate of everyone else on the set.

Another person who's worked with him told me that he believes Norris is eternally grateful to be in show business, i.e., it hasn't gone to his head.

Also, he's never made a movie that lost money. I think only he and John Wayne have that distinction.

What's my point? I guess I don't have one other than to say Chuck sounds like an OK guy to me.

Best regards,

George </div></BLOCKQUOTE>Ok.

Wasn't trying to malign anyone's childhood hero.

It came from here: http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty

[4churchill]

believe it or not, one of my lot porters is a former ugoslavian karate champion who is very close to chuck. chuck did an act of good will by bringing him to america.

other then what Radomir tells me about him, I dont know anything about the guy

but I can say he sure is fun to make fun of....I mean he did make "SIDEKICKS"

[DRTYFN]

BUWAHAHAAA!!!! Funny post and even funnier follow up that didn't get the humor.
Slight case of raaarrr!!!1

[h2co-pilot]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by DRTYFN:
BUWAHAHAAA!!!! Funny post and even funnier follow up that didn't get the humor.
Slight case of raaarrr!!!1 </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

X2

[GeorgeSSSS]

You guys and gals "got me" on this one.

George SSSS

[Mr. I - Man]

I think Paragon is GHEY for Chuck!

[PARAGON]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Mr. I - Man:
I think Paragon is GHEY for Chuck! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

[NoMoGMPG]

I took karate lessons from him when he was in Garden Grove, CA back in the 70's. He looks the same now as he did then...Hmmmmm

[DRTYFN]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by GMPartsGuy:
I took karate lessons from him when he was in Garden Grove, CA back in the 70's. He looks the same now as he did then...Hmmmmm </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

EXCEPT that he's had some massive laser hair removal treatments!!!! He used to look like a bear.

[h2co-pilot]

Chuck Norris is immortal.

[ree]

Paragon,
That was damn hilarious . Laughing outloud with no one around and tears coming out hilarious...except for that one about AIDS. That's just mean and doesn't have an ounce of funny in it. Next time pass it along as "Top 29 facts about Chuck Norris"

[ROX]

LMAO!

[HummBebe]

I keep coming back to read this one, it just G0D Danm Funny......

Thanks for posting.

[ree]

Agreed. My wife, on the other hand doesn't think it's funny at all. I guess it takes all kinds. Screw her

[Harley]

hahahahahahahahaha....