Actual bumper stickers

[Adam in CO]

Constipated People Don't Give A ****.

Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.

If You Drink, Don't Park; Accidents Cause People.

Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?

My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

Thank You For Pot Smoking.

To All You Virgins, Thanks For Nothing.

Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.

If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.

You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.

I Have The Body Of A God .. Buddha.

This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me.

So Many Pedestrians --- So Little Time.

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?

The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name.

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Illiterate? Write For Help.

Honk If Anything Falls Off.

Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.

You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To Do.

Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Hand Basket?

It's Been Lovely, But I Have To Scream Now.

I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.

Fight Crime --- Shoot Back!

If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over.
[Seen upside Down, On A Jeep]

Remember Folks --- Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For
70mph.

Guys --- No Shirt, No Service; Gals --- No Shirt, No Charge.
[Reported To Be Seen On A Restaurant]

Necrophillia --- That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.

Ax Me 'bout Ebonics.

Body By Nautilus --- Brain By Mattel.

Boldly Going Nowhere.

Cat --- The Other White Meat.

Don't Be Sexist --- Broads Hate That.

Heart Attacks .. God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.

Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.

If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.