For Dennis

[Adam in CO]

Vancouver (Reuters)

Day 2 - Vancouver Blizzard 2005

Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today, as an additional ¼ centimeter of**a*peculiar white substance fell, bringing the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect that the substance is some form of frozen water particles and experts from Saskatchewan are being flown in.
With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite near zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes before venturing out. Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them through Vancouver's most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tire reported that they had completely sold out of fur lined sandals.

Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have been shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four wheel drive, although most have no idea how to use it. Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast implants. Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25 below. "The government has to do something," snarled an angry Trevor Warburton. "I didn't pay $540,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and be treated like someone from Toronto."

[Adam in CO]

Vancouver (Reuters)

Day 2 - Vancouver Blizzard 2005

Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today, as an additional ¼ centimeter of**a*peculiar white substance fell, bringing the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect that the substance is some form of frozen water particles and experts from Saskatchewan are being flown in.
With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite near zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes before venturing out. Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them through Vancouver's most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tire reported that they had completely sold out of fur lined sandals.

Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have been shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four wheel drive, although most have no idea how to use it. Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast implants. Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25 below. "The government has to do something," snarled an angry Trevor Warburton. "I didn't pay $540,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and be treated like someone from Toronto."

[KenP]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Adam in CO:
Vancouver (Reuters)

Day 2 - Vancouver Blizzard 2005

Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today, as an additional ¼ centimeter of a peculiar white substance fell, bringing the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect that the substance is some form of frozen water particles and experts from Saskatchewan are being flown in.
With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite near zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes before venturing out. Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them through Vancouver's most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tire reported that they had completely sold out of fur lined sandals.

Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have been shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four wheel drive, although most have no idea how to use it. Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast implants. Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25 below. "The government has to do something," snarled an angry Trevor Warburton. "I didn't pay $540,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and be treated like someone from Toronto." </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

[DRTYFN]

BUWAHAHAHA!!!!

[DennisAJC]

COCKSUCKER.

[DRTYFN]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by DennisAJC:
COCKSUCKER. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

[DennisAJC]

[KenP]

Vancouver:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content"> Some Stuff I Learned About Vancouver

I just got back from Vancouver, like, just now. I was up there for a week with Scotty boy for a little weeklong excursion. Everyone I talked to about this wanted to know why we chose Vancouver for vacation. Our reply was, "Why not?" If you think about it, everywhere sucks. Believe it or not, millions of people vacation in a ****hole called LA every year. Why LA? It's a ****ing wasteland. It has 5x more air pollution than New York, and half the history. Its tourist attractions (like Hollywood Blvd.) are right crap in the middle of the dirtiest ghettos you've ever seen, and the traffic is a nightmare AND it is impossible to park. No man, don't ask "Why Vancouver?" Just congratulate me on getting out of SoCal for a brief moment.

Basically, prior to this trip, I knew two things about Canada: they live somewhere north of here and they love their hockey. I had also heard that everyone is really nice there, and the chicks are friggin' hot.

It was a chance to get some fresh air and meet some non-foreign foreign chicks. And to drink.

Now that I am back, I can drop some Knowledge (that's with a hard K) on you suckas. Here's some stuff I learned about Canada (at least Vancouver) this week:

No paper dollars. All money up through 2 dollars are coins. The 2 dollar coin is called a Toonie, and they have the really annoying ability to roll out of your pockets everytime you sit down. It's also a pain to pick out the bad coins from the good ones when dealing with bums.

They hide their ghettos really really well. After a solid week of cruisin' Vancouver, I swear I never once saw an actual ghetto. At least nothing that compares to the even the tamest ghettos in California (cuz you all know I drop extensive Knowledge on street life).

Ghettos aside, the bum population on Vancouver's most commercial streets (Granville and Robson) is roughly equal to that of the non-bums in the area. And they're all really motivated panhandlers. Sometimes you can't walk an entire block before being asked for spare change by the same bum 7 or 8 times.

Falaffel House is good stuff.

The prostitutes aren't half bad looking.

Despite the fact that Vancouver is heavily populated and cars clog the roads at all times of the day, there is virtually no air pollution. But before you smug Canadian bastards start jerking each other off in congratulation for a job well done, just remember that the really really smoggy areas of California are totally landlocked, incredibly hot and surrounded by mountains, so polluted air really doesn't get a chance to move out. It's all really a question of geography IMHO.

The 'freeways' are a joke. It truly is a pain in the ass to get from one side of town to the other simply due to the fact that there really aren't any freeways. Just a bunch of city streets that connect together on the map to LOOK like a freeway. When you actually drive on these roads, you find that there are stop lights at every block and only two lanes per direction.

Everyone drives really really slow. This is probably due to the above mentioned freeway problems, but when you're driving 60 km/h remember that you're actually moving precisely 2.45 mph.

Not that I smoke the stuff, but pot is really cheap there.

Everything else is insanely expensive.

Don't ever pay a taxi driver in American dollars. You will get screwed over. In fact, just convert your cash to Canadian as soon as possible - it will save you a lot of headaches.

All french fries are served with vinegar, and the ketchup tastes funny. Wierd, man.

Starbucks is still on every street corner up there. The second most widespread chain is this restaurant called White Spot. It's kind of like Cocoa's, but they serve cheap-ass pale ale in pitchers there. YES! IT'S PITCHER TIME!!

French Canadian panhandler girls will criticize your capitalist nation, but will accept all the American dollars you give them.

There aren't many cops around town.

Although there are plenty of pretty girls around, the ratio of pretty/ugly girls is no better than most American cities. For straight-up hot girls by the truckload, Santa Barbara and Orange County still rule.

Not only does everyone there say "out" and "about" funny, they also say these words a lot. Try not to laugh in their faces when you talk to them.

Canadians are pretty much as obsessed with American pop culture as everyone else.

The Canadian TV show Trailer Park Boys is awesome.

West Vancouver is actually physically north of Vancouver.

You know how everything in America comes with French instructions along with English (and possibly Spanish) and you wonder why the hell would they need to explain stuff in French because who the hell speaks French (and not English) in the U.S.? Well, in Canada, there are actually enough Frenchies to warrant such silliness.

Also, you know how all books and magazines in the U.S. have the Canadian prices on them too? For some reason, a lot of these same magazines only have Canadian prices on them in Canada. So why the hell do WE need both?

Don't go to the Bowling Alley on Granville. It's not real bowling and is pretty much a waste of money.

Canada's answer to Starbucks is their own coffee chain called Blenz. The nice thing about this place is that some are open 24 hours a day, while others are open until 3 am. Now there's an idea - have the coffee shop open when drunken bastards actually need coffee. American coffee shops by comparison, suck.

The legal drinking age in Canada is 19. I look old enough there to not be carded every single time I want a beer.

It's just my suspicion - because I would NEVER test this - but I get the distinct impression that it's kind of hard to get arrested in Vancouver.

Some arcades have jerk-off booths in the back.

Some people actually surf in Canada.

People refer to FOBs spelled out as F.O.B. and not the proper single-word term FOB, as in California. I guess we both have a lot of FOBs - they just don't know what to call them.

It rains a lot.

A lot of people who would appear to be Canadians are really from Seattle, because of the Canadian legal drinking age. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

[ROX]

[DennisAJC]

LIES! LIES! ALL LIES!!!

Except for the good parts eh?

[dochummer]

[Efrain]

Interesting. I actually learned stuffed i didn't know about Canada. Glad you had a nice vacation KenP!

[DRTYFN]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Efrain:
Interesting. I actually learned stuffed i didn't know about Canada. Glad you had a nice vacation KenP! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Did you get the part about them also being called "Northern Mexicans"?

[DennisAJC]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by DRTYFN:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Efrain:
Interesting. I actually learned stuffed i didn't know about Canada. Glad you had a nice vacation KenP! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Did you get the part about them also being called "Northern Mexicans"? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>


Damn, I can't wait to get back there.

Good times.

P.S. I'm messing with you over on OTN.


.

[frenzy1]

[KenP]

Originally Posted by frenzy1

Nice find!!!