Lawyer Jokes

[wpage]

It was cold here yesterday...
So cold I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets!

[SnakeH2]

I have a couple lawyers in the family. Lawyers like these jokes more than anyone.

:giggling:

[ChiHummer3]

:jump:

[NJ H2]

The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge's chambers, demanding that the case be reopened, saying: "I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client's defense."

The judge asked, "What new evidence could you possibly have?"

The lawyer replied, "My client has an extra $10,000 I just found out about!" :jump:

[Adam in CO]

The wall between heaven and hell broke down, so God got on the phone and called the Devil. He said "I'll send a few guys, you send a few guys, and we'll get the wall fixed right away". The Devil denied this request only to be asked again. "You don't want people getting out, and I don't either. Send a few guys to fix the wall or I'll have to sue you." To which the Devil replied; "Oh yeah? Where are you going to get a lawyer?"

[ChiHummer3]

:giggling:

[Agriv8r]

I have a couple lawyers in the family. Lawyers like these jokes more than anyone.

:giggling:

thanx for the input....

[SnakeH2]

thanx for the input....
Just following your lead

[MarineHawk]

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.

"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."

The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers -- we had $100 when we broke in!"

[MarineHawk]

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.

The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?"
"Just send a bill for such advice" replied the lawyer.

On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 bill. That afternoon he received a $100 bill from the lawyer.

[MarineHawk]

An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery."

"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000."

The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."

[wpage]

Know why lawyers wear neck ties?
Keeps their foreskins from showing!:twak:

[mikejr]

i'm howling!....great jokes!

[H2wifey]

:giggling: :giggling: :giggling: :giggling:
THOSE ARE GOOD I DON'T KNOW ANY BUT KEEP THEM COMING !

[jmsspratlin]

:giggling: :giggling: :giggling: :giggling:
THOSE ARE GOOD I DON'T KNOW ANY BUT KEEP THEM COMING !
WOW, 26 post, you are on a roll.;)

[wpage]

What do you call a boatload of lawyers that goes down in shark filled waters?

A real good start:dancingbanana:

[Adam in CO]

What do you call a boatload of lawyers that goes down in shark filled waters?

A real good start:dancingbanana:

Sharks don't eat lawyers.

Professional courtesy.

[DRTYFN]

Sharks don't eat lawyers.

Professional courtesy.
Wasn't it because the sharks thought they were whale turds.... oh wait, that's a different joke.:jump:

[CO Hummer]

Sharks don't eat lawyers.

Professional courtesy.

hahahaha! :D :D

[Agriv8r]

:lame:

[jmsspratlin]

:lame:



I Concur!:clapping:

[RubHer Yellow Ducky]

does anyone know a good honest lawyer joke...

[jmsspratlin]

does anyone know a good honest lawyer joke...



From the looks of this thread......no;)

[wpage]

Lawyer driving a BMW has a accident.
Cop arrives finding the shyster lamenting his missing door.
Cop says you lawyers are soo superficial all you care about is things.
Lawyer; But my door is gone
Cop; Your left arm is missing as well.
Lawyer: Oh my Gaad my rolex is gone!:beerchug:

[tower]

At a surgical convention, the keynote speaker was asked who were his favorite patients upon which to operate. He replied saying that his preference was to work on attorneys. When pressed as to his reasoning, he stated, "there are only two moving parts, the mouth and the anus. And the same thing comes out of each.:fdance:

[jmsspratlin]

Lawyer driving a BMW has a accident.
Cop arrives finding the shyster lamenting his missing door.
Cop says you lawyers are soo superficial all you care about is things.
Lawyer; But my door is gone
Cop; Your left arm is missing as well.
Lawyer: Oh my Gaad my rolex is gone!:beerchug:


pretty funny:D