THIS WAS HILARIOUS!

[BigPoppa1411]

>"Excerpts from a Dog's Diary"
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>6:00 am - At last! I Go Pee! My favorite thing!
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>8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
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>9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
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>9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
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>10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
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>12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
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>1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
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>3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
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>5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
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>6:00 pm - They're home! My favorite thing!
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>7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
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>8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
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>11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
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>"Excerpts from a Cat's Diary"
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> Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
>little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the
>other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I
>make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must
>eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps
>me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once
>again vomit on the carpet.
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>Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
>I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
>demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
>condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
>There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
>placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
>could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
>confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
>means, and how to use it to my advantage.
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>Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
>tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
>again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the
>other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special
>privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing
>to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an
>informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am
>certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged
>protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe - for
>now...
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