Joke of the day

[KenP]

July 15, Sat.

Joke Of The Day:
You Need a Gimmick...

The hair-lipped toothbrush salesman comes in to his manager's office to give a report on his first week at work.
"Well, how'd you do?" asks the manager.
"Well thir, I thold two toothbrutheth." replied the salesman.
"Two!" shouts the manager. "You're never going to make a living that way."
"Well thir, I don't know what to do, people juth won't buy my toothbrutheth."
The manager thinks and says, "Sounds to me like you need a gimmick."
The salesman asks, "Whath's a geemick?"
The manager explains, "A gimmick is something you use to entice, excite and motivate your customer about your product or service. A jingle, a slogan, something to make your customer feel a need for your product or service."
The salesman goes, "Hmm, I gueth I'll have to get me a geemick." The salesman returns at the end of the next week to give his report.
The manager asks, "Well son, how'd you do this week?"
The salesman beams, "Well thir, I thold 185,353 toothbrutheth."
The manager leaps up, "My gosh, what did you do?"
The salesman grins and says, "I took your advith and got me a geemick."
The manager excited now, says, "Well out with it son. What's your gimmick? We need to pass this on to the rest of the staff. We'll make millions!" The salesman says, "Well thir, I found me a real bithy thtreet corner and I thet up a table and a chair. On the table I put out thum chipth and dip. People would come up to the corner waiting to croth the thtreet and I would thay, 'Hey, while your waiting, how about thun chipth and dip?' They would thay, 'Thure!' Then they would take a chip, get 'em thum dip and thtart to eat it. Then they would say, 'Hey thith tath like thit!' I would say, 'It ith thit. Want to buy a toothbruth?'

[MovinH2]

[KenP]

July 16:

Joke Of The Day:
Selling Life Insurance...

Private Jones was assigned to the Army induction center, where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their Serviceman's Group Life Insurance (SGLI). It wasn't long before the center's Lieutenant noticed that Private Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Lt. stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch.
Jones explained the basics of the SGLI to the new recruits, and then said. "If you have SGLI and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have SGLI, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

[deserth3]

Now that's funny!!!

I got a kick out of most of these. Great

S.

[Sewie]

"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"

LOL!!

[KenP]

July 17

Appraisal Sheet...

This form indicates employee performance in the position they currently hold.
Knowledge
[ ] The son of a bitch really knows his stuff
[ ] Knows just enough to be dangerous
[ ] Only half a brain and is dangerous
[ ] ****ing brain damaged, his coffee cup has a higher IQ
Accuracy
[ ] Does excellent work if not preoccupied with pussy
[ ] Pretty good, only occasionally blows it out his ass
[ ] Has to take off his shoes to count to ten
[ ] Couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice
Attitude
[ ] Extremely cooperative if you kiss his ass frequently
[ ] Brown nose in good standing
[ ] Often pisses off co-workers, thinks it's his shop
[ ] Doesn't give a ****, never did and never will
Reliability
[ ] A really dependable little cocksucker
[ ] You can rely on him at evaluation time
[ ] Can rely on him to be the first one out the ****ing door
[ ] Totally ****ing useless/worthless
Appearance
[ ] Extremely neat, even combs his pubic hair
[ ] Looks great at evaluation time
[ ] Flies abandon fresh dog **** to follow him around
[ ] Dirty, filthy, dirty son of a bitch Performance
[ ] Works like a son of a bitch, if there's money in it for him
[ ] Does all kinds of good **** at evaluation time
[ ] Works only if kicked in the ass every 2 minutes
[ ] Couldn't do less work if he were in a ****ing coma